I started writing this post a good few months back but never published it, never even really finished it… I wanted to offer advice based on my experience, a few handy tips on how to deal with the situation, maybe even just a bit of motivation for those who are in the throws of it… I realised quickly enough that I couldn’t really offer any of the above, hence the post got booted to drafts and never made it out. Until now.
Spoiler Alert: I still don't have any advice to offer.
But here's my story anyway.
Maybe you can relate.
It was a Friday in April, I remember it as if it was yesterday. Third year of owning a startup, barely keeping head above water, hustling and parenting with all the working-mom feels and guilt. If managing staff is not enough of a challenge, a former employee, who we later discovered misrepresented herself in her interview, caused a lot of added stress at work and nearly brought our precious company into disrepute. It didn’t last very long, she resigned and we were so relieved. Unbelievably so, just to top things off, the notice came a few weeks later and we found ourselves at the CCMA at a boardroom table with her. The commissioner advised us that although we would probably win the case, it would be drawn out, cost more precious time and money and that we should rather just offer an amount to settle. Which we did. An insignificant amount, offered to a person who didn’t really have a case, and for something that wasn’t all that serious. We were happy to be rid of the situation. But the unfairness of having to pay to ‘make it go away’ made me feel furious. That evening the damwall broke and I never felt the same after that.
Burnout/ˈbəːnaʊt/
- 1. The reduction of a fuel or substance to nothing through use or combustion.
- 2. The failure of an electrical device or component through overheating.
- 3. Physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress. “High levels of professionalism which may result in burnout“
Have you ever read up on burnout? Unless you were at some stage diagnosed with it, my guess is no you probably haven’t.
Did you know burnout is not just when your week has been way to busy and come Friday you collapse on the couch feeling a bit burnt out?
Did you know unless you address it it won’t go away, it will only cause more harm down the line.
Did you know in some cases people recovered within 6 months, in other cases it took as long as 5 years!
The Merriam-Webster online dictionary describes ‘burnout’ as: Exhaustion of physical or emotional strength or motivation usually as a result of prolonged stress or frustration. To ‘burn out’ is described as: To cause to fail, wear out, or become exhausted especially from overwork or overuse.
Looking back I should have known something was up! My high-octane, A-type personality was fertile ground for excess job stress to get the better of me! It didn’t happen overnight, but the signs were all there.
After the CCMA incident I spent a few weeks feeling very down and out of sorts. I was worried at the time about it maybe being the onset of depression, something I had never experienced before. And as I think is often the case with mental health issues, I kept it firmly under wraps, not telling anyone just how down I felt. Not long after this my neck started hurting badly. I couldn’t turn it, it was constantly sore. I saw a physiotherapist and during the assessment session cried so much she immediately diagnosed the pain as stress related. Her suggestion? A lifestyle change. I walked out disappointed. I didn’t get the quick fix that I wanted, and I knew that a lifestyle change at that stage was certainly not on the cards.
Two more appointments followed with different medical professionals, each with the exact same diagnosis. Only then did I start reading up.
Typical symptoms… Chronic fatigue, Insomnia, Impaired concentration, Physical pain, Anxiety, Depression, Anger, to name a few. I ticked most the boxes. I was prescribed homeopathic Rhodiola and it immediately helped! It was shortlived though, as the specific one I was using became unavailable. I tried some store-bought varieties after that but nothing really worked as well.
At the end of last year the pain got worse. It was now not only a sore neck, it was also constant nerve pain high up in my back and a tennis-elbow-type pain in my right arm that made every day tasks at home and at work quite a challenge. (This carried on for a long time, but eventually came right after quite a few physio sessions and a depleted medical savings, again. It still flares up when I’m feeling stressed, but at least I now recognise it for what it is!)
What was really quite frightening during this time was the unexpected, never experienced before, panic attacks. The first time it happened I was driving, and as I’m sure any anxiety sufferer will tell you, it felt like I was having a heart attack. I was contemplating driving myself to hospital, but was so paralysed by fear I had no idea how to get there. I carried on driving home completely spooked. It happened a few times after that again, but never quite as bad.
The exhaustion I was experiencing started getting worse. I didn’t sleep very well at night, but even when I did have a good night I was too exhausted to get up in the mornings. Too exhausted to drag myself off for a run, something I absolutely loved doing for years! Which of course is completely counter-productive as we all know exercise is vital for a healthy body and a healthy mind! I could hardly make it up the stairs at work. No way could I carry on like that. Off to the doc again. This time for blood tests and a stress ECG, which came back within normal range. Lucky for me a local doctor with a sharp eye spotted that, although my blood levels were within normal range according to the lab, some levels were way too low for someone to function optimally. His explanation to me: If normal levels are between 1 and 10, wouldn’t you rather be closer to 10, not scraping through at 1.2?
Acute stress leads to an over production of cortisol (the body’s stress hormone) and adrenaline. While stress is a natural physical and mental reaction to life experiences, and can be beneficial in short term situations, when prolonged it can take its toll on your health. When your central nervous system is in fight-or-flight mode, your adrenal glands release both cortisol and adrenaline. When the perceived fear is gone, everything should go back to normal. If the stressor does not go away, the response and rush of hormones will continue and could cause various health issues. Acute stress also depletes the body of many vital vitamins and minerals. Your immune system becomes weak and you are unable to fight off viruses and other pathogens. So, hormones out of whack, micronutrients depleted and the risk of many health issues from heart disease and obesity to anxiety and depression – my understanding of it in a layman’s nutshell.
I started taking the recommended supplements straight away. A few Vitamin B injections later and I slowly started feeling better. The anxiety lifted, the mood lifted and so did the exhaustion! This was a long 2 years after initially being diagnosed. Although the supplements was what turned it around in the end, there were small things along the way that made all the difference…
- Regular long walks with a good friend – it was my therapy! Still is.
- Saturday morning Yoga – what an incredible stress release it was.
- My garden and regular earthing. Picking herbs barefoot early in the morning is magical – try it!
- Earlier bedtime routine with a soothing cup of Rooibos tea.
- Learning to say NO and not feel guilty.
- Learning to say YES to things that make me happy. (And not feel guilty!)
- Spending time with people who make me feel energised, not drained.
- Taking a break from working on weekends, and not feeling guilty about it.
- Sticking to office hours and not replying to work related enquiries after hours.
- Accepting that this is the season I am in, and to stop fighting it as that only releases negative energy into the situation.
- Deciding to, in whatever I do, try make it great. Even when I don’t feel like it.
Nearly 2 and a half years down the line and things are slowly returning back to normal. I can say now, that for the first time, it feels like not only the physical symptoms are better, but also my mindset. Maybe that is why I finally sat down today and pulled this post out of the drafts folder and hit publish!
It’s the last week of winter, and isn’t it just awesome to feel spring in the air! Can’t wait for this new season. No more self pity, only self care!
I’m ready.
