The MOST surreal feeling. It’s Saturday night and I’m home alone. Yes, alone. Just me. When last in this life have I been alone? It’s only for a few hours, and the kids are not far, the one is literally playing down the road with his mates (I can hear them) and the other one will be back from a disco birthday party in a few hours. But for now I have the house to myself, the TV to myself (Kyknet on full blast… no we have not burnt our dish because…Binnelanders. Sorry Steve), the bathroom to myself, the bed to myself, my phone to myself, my computer to myself, the kitchen to myself, the couch to myself, OMG I’m frantically trying to enjoy all these luxuries before they end!!!!
Moms???? Have you even thought about it? When last have you been on your own? Only taking care of yourself? Making supper only for you? (A big bowl of ravioli it is tonight, because a girl needs her carbs – especially when no one is watching!) And maybe a teeny glass of wine. Because it’s an occasion right? And because drinking on your own is not frowned upon anymore is it?
Yesterday marked the 21st anniversary of me and Benji. Our relationship is now officially grown up. Weird that us girls remember the day we started dating… the guys can hardly remember the day they got married. Us girls… we remember what we were wearing, what he was wearing, the exact time, location and even the song that was playing.
We were in Randburg working on a hotelschool project together. Great friends at the time, no romantic interest other than the fact that he made me laugh from the first day I met him, and a guy who makes me laugh had a good enough shot at my heart any day. It was a Sunday and the work carried on a bit until it was time for supper. Ordered pizza delivery and carried on working. Pizza came, no wine. A problem that needed to be solved of course! Only solution at the time, beg, borrow or steal. We walked from door to door in the townhouse complex where I lived asking if someone maybe had a bottle of wine for us. Two 20 year old students, in our socks no shoes, asking for wine. And at some point he took my hand….and never let it go. 17 May 1998. Like yesterday. We got our bottle of wine by the way, and I wish the kind neighbour knew that he invested in a lifetime of happiness that day.
Tonight Leyla is at a disco with all her friends and also with the BOYS. From finding them way gross to suddenly spending hours getting ready and hoping for a slow dance or two! Giggling ad nauseum. What a brilliant year grade 7 is. Std 5 in our time – the year of neon garage parties and Roxette tapes. And first boyfriends. My first date was at the Welkom Agricultural Show. It was a double date, me and my best friend with our new boyfriends, also best friends. We both got given a necklace on the big wheel. What happy memories. Watching the Selborne u/13 boys play Grey PE today brought back so many memories of us girls watching our u/13’s play. They were heroes! I love that my girl is loving school and life as much as I did when I was her age. Can’t wait to hear everything when she gets home!
I was meant to be in the Transkei with Benji this weekend. Walking the beautiful Wild Coast over 2 days with a group of friends. But last weekend I started feeling a bit sick, carried on working until I could hardly function on Wednesday. By Thursday morning I decided that there was no way I can walk or run those distances feeling the way I did. I gave up my spot and made peace with the fact that if I do feel better and regret my decision, I could still make the most of the weekend catching up on some work and just enjoying being home with the kids. Turns out I made the right decision, still sick but also very much enjoying catching up on some me-time.
But tonight made me think… Why is it that alone time for us moms is such a THING!!! Do we realise the enormity of the task we take on when we have kids? Yes we all know that it takes huge sacrifices and that we devote ourselves willingly and lovingly to raising our kids (and we wouldn’t have it any other way of course)… But to suddenly be alone for 2 hours on a Saturday night and it hits you that you haven’t had it in years…. is quite a sobering thought. On that note, let me grab another glass of wine…last one, I’m nearly done…
Mom. There where you are tonight, feeling overwhelmed, over-the-wall, just over everything. Do you know that you are more amazing than what you could ever realise? To give up all your free time, possibly your career, your space, your stuff – nothing you own is your own anymore! (Especially with a teenage daughter in the house… that bedroom is like the big black hole, nothing comes out of it again. BTW every single cliché there ever was about having a teenager in the house is truuueeee!!!!)
Mom. You are what keeps your household together, you make your kids’ world go around, and you make your husband’s world go around. You are the glue and you set the tone. How incredible is this privilege? We get this because we give up everything. We get to be the center of their world, the axis everything revolves around.
And it’s so worth giving up everything for.
Ok, loved tonight, but it’s time. Can everyone come home now please. Life is just not the same without you guys.
Mom xx
